


Shattered Minds And Shattered Hearts

by Heliosthetroll



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Android Auto-Responder | Lil Hal, Classpecting Hal, Dirk is an anxious boi, M/M, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-06
Updated: 2019-08-06
Packaged: 2020-08-12 22:33:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20130655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Heliosthetroll/pseuds/Heliosthetroll
Summary: Dirk and Hal are the same but different in a lot of the same and different ways. And yet they stick together. After a few long thinks they realize why.





	Shattered Minds And Shattered Hearts

**Author's Note:**

> This was made for one of my partners as we both realized there is not nearly enough DirkHal in the world. So I made this lol. Some DirkHal that is at least halfway decent. Not my best work but what do you expect after I don't write anything for months lol, sorry for that by the way. Hope you enjoy!

“Dirk, what classpect do you think I would’ve been assigned had I been you?” 

It was two in the morning but Dirk was up working on yet another robot upgrade as Hal came out of the blue from the corner he was charging his recently made body in. His voice was almost in that uncanny valley of Dirk’s but not where it was younger than the voice Dirk now had, Hal remained thirteen despite gaining more knowledge than a thirteen could and really should ever have and Dirk was now twenty, as well as having a slight robotic sound to it but Dirk had long gotten used to it. It had been two years now that Hal had been walking and talking out loud now after all. It hadn’t been long after the game had been finished, the sprites being spat back out weirdly where those who were dead were returned to the dream bubbles and the non-living or still alive parts of a sprite were returned to the state they’d been pre-sprite, that Hal had started begging for a body. He’d gotten a taste of it with Equius and he’d been set on having that back ever since. So when Dirk had been eighteen he’d given in and made Hal a body, a nice black one with a white face and silver hair with red ‘wires’ lit up all along it and translucent red shades revealing red eyes underneath. His body was entirely humanoid and about the same size as Dirk, a good six feet two inches, and thin and with lean muscle definition like Dirk as well. It had taken a long time to give him an expressive and widely moveable face along with all the other things both physical and coding wise he’d had to do to make Hal as human-like as he could per Hal’s request. Honestly, Hal was Dirk’s most complex and sophisticated creation ever both before the body and even more so after and he was proud of how well he’d done. But all the same, he had both been grateful for and greatly regretted the choice to make Hal a body during the creation process and many times after. 

One of the moments of regret was now when he was brought out of his focus to look over at his creation, wondering why the fuck he was disturbing him to ask a question like that. Especially to him. It seemed more like a Rose question really and ever since he’d been back to being himself he was fascinated with the new people to the group, the trolls and the other four humans that had all joined them as well as the other things that came from those sessions. “I don’t know.” He started his response. Rose is the Seer Of Light, maybe ask her.” 

Hal smirked at him, seemingly proud of distracting Dirk was his nonsense. “Your daughter is asleep.” Dirk sighed. Honestly it was a pain sometimes to be reminded Rose and Dave were technically his kids, and in some weird way Davis which was what Davesprite was now calling himself to avoid confusion too though he’d almost entirely isolated himself since day one on Earth C. The whole Strilonde family had decided sisters and brothers were much better ways to go about their relationships but still there was always that nagging voice in Dirk’s mind reminding him he was directly responsible for these kids in some cosmic sense even if Dave and Rose weren’t really kids anymore. Plus there was always jokes made by everyone, most commonly Rose and Roxy who were much more comfortable with the weird family shit then Dirk and Dave, about their real genetics and sometimes it would be pointed out by those outside the four of them too. Hal had always proudly declared that as an AI he had no genetic relation to anyone and therefore wasn’t technically a part of the family, although he always included himself as a part of their family anyway and still called himself a Strider.   
Hal didn’t stop with reminded Dirk of his familial connection to Rose in a way he’d rather not think about. “And besides, as a version of me I’m curious as to your thoughts on the matter.” Hal was always passive-aggressive about that. It was always a version of Hal and not a version of Dirk. Dirk had taken a while to piece together Hal’s aggression towards him but Rose had helped and well, he’d realized that yeah. He’d be salty and passive-aggressive too in Hal’s position. Trapped as the hated version or at least less desired and useful version of someone for your entire existence. Always compared to them and never measuring up. Never who people wanted to talk to. It made Dirk regret making Hal sometimes. But Dirk was a Prince Of Heart, it was what he did. Breaking his soul and hurting with the soul. Even if he didn’t intend or want to. 

He and Hal had more in common then he’d ever thought they did really. When he’d first made Hal he’d viewed him as a failure because while he could copy him like he’d been intended to he never got it quite right and he was a completely different person than him. At least on the surface. But looking deep into him Dirk could see they were a lot closer than they appeared. And part of him thought that was why he hadn’t liked Hal at all when he was younger. But he’d grown in the four years since that time. In the four years since he’d broken up with Jake and slowly gotten over the guy. Watched him in a new light and seen he wasn’t the perfect man Dirk had thought him to be. But that was something completely different and while he’d mostly gotten over Jake he still found himself comparing people and mostly himself to Jake sometimes and trying to compare how he reacted to things to how Jake would react or how something would’ve played out if he’d still been with Jake. Like now. 

Dirk shook his head, trying to clear it and focus on the task at hand. He couldn’t help but find himself having more and more trouble keeping his focus as the years went on without a big goal to focus on. For all of his life he’d had big goals to strive towards. Jake, survival, improvement, the game. Now he had nothing. Jake was in the past, survival was no issue anymore, he had no reason or goal to work towards in any improvement of himself, and the game was over. At this point, he worked just to work and not go insane and it often led to his mind wandering. He didn’t really like it much but without a goal it was what happened. Sometimes he found himself enjoying going head to head with Hal now. Just because it gave him something to do and a goal to strive towards if only for a little while. 

This little puzzle of Hal’s classpect was something to work towards as well once he focused on it. Hal was a lot like him like he’d thought earlier but his original thoughts on the AI were true too. He was a person and one like him but also very very different from him. He was selfish like Dirk but less self-centered, intelligent like him but he used it in a different way, cunning and a good planner like him but in a different way, dramatic like him but in a different way, more memey and honestly more like Dave then he was which had annoyed Dirk when he’d first realized it since Dirk had spent years trying to emulate his Dave, less closed off about his emotions, more tricky and both more and less direct about things in different ways, both more and less creative in different ways, and with different interests than Dirk but also a lot of the same ones. 

It took a lot of thought but finally Dirk came to an answer.

“Prince Of Mind.” Dirk’s voice was calm and even, sure of himself as he nodded along with his own choice. Hal, on the other hand, seemed suspicious, raising a mechanical metal eyebrow at Dirk as his smirk faded from his face. “Are you sure you’re not just projecting again? Assigning me Prince because I am you but Mind because it’s as far from you as you can get because you hate me? Seems suspicious to me.”

Dirk rolled his eyes at Hal and shook his head. “No. I gave you Prince of Mind because you’re like me but you aren’t me. You’re the same as me in some ways but the opposite of me in others, that’s just who you are.” Hal still seemed suspicious but also curious. He’d always been the more curious one. More easily intrigued by things and always needing as much information as he could get out of things. So it was no surprise to Dirk that he gestured for him to continue explaining himself. And so he did. “You’ve always had a thirst for knowledge. A desire to discover and dig deeper. Especially about people. About how they think and work. You were created to duplicate a mind and I think that translated into a desire to know as much as you can about my mind but also other people’s minds as you developed into someone that wasn’t me. You work on logic as well, to some degree I do too but in a different way. I use logic to justify my emotional and impulsive reactions and to fuel plans and make due to emotional reasons. You use logic to give reason to feel things and make plans to cause emotional reactions in others as well as yourself. You may be more than that but on some level you still are a robot. A mechanical thing with code and logic that comes first. You’re logical first and emotional second and I’m the opposite, emotional first and logical second, even if both things hold a big part of both of our lives. We’re both selfish but I’m self-centered too, even in my hatred I’m always focused on myself. You aren’t. You focus your emotions on other things, often coming to the actual reason for bad things easily and quickly and hating that even when others can’t see it. You hated me for many years because your existence, which you hated at the time because you were largely rejected and ignored, was my fault. I made you. It was logical for you to hate me. My impulsive emotional reaction was then to hate you but my self-centered focus also made me hate myself and gave part of my reason for hating you. You were too much like me. It’s why as the years go on I’ve actively disliked you less and less. I’ve tolerated you and given you stuff more and more but only because I’ve had less to do and because I’ve stabilized but also because you’ve stabilized and split off from me more and more. You might go further you might not but for now you seem to have settled. And in your current settled state you share a lot of my Prince traits but act more like how Dave describes Terezi acting then you do any of my Heart traits so I’d say you’re Prince Of Mind.” 

Dirk finishes his analysis rant for now, still having more to say if needed, and looks over Hal’s face more in-depth for the first time since it began now that he can focus more on what it means again. Hal looks… Shocked. Dirk wonders if it’s the first time he’s seen the expression on Hal’s face. Or even heard of him being shocked. If it isn't, it's certainly not a common expression for the AI. He usually knows exactly what’s happening so down to the minuscule details that he doesn’t get surprised by things. Sometimes Dirk thinks Hal analyzes things even more than he does. It would make sense with the proposed classpect. Slowly Hal’s raised eyebrows lower and his eyes stop being so wide as he takes in what Dirk has said and thinks about it for a few minutes. Silence holds them for that time as they just stare at each other. Both having their own thoughts, some similar some not. Finally, Hal speaks again, voice even and calm. “I see. Well, I’d have to agree then. Prince Of Mind does seem the most accurate choice doesn’t it.” He words it like a question but his tone is that of a statement. Dirk nods anyway. 

“It does.” They stare at each other some more after Dirk replies, just watching each other and thinking for a bit. Dirk could return to his work at this point but he doesn’t. He just keeps watching Hal, thinking about him and about the things he’d just brought to the forefront of his mind with his little analysis. He and Hal really were both more similar and more different then he’d really thought. Drawn to each other but pushed away from each other at the same time. A little push and pull that always ended with them back in the same home, the same room, the same space. A fight, a goal, something to focus on, something to do, something to accomplish. Hal seemed to fill that little piece Dirk couldn’t fill for himself. Dirk didn’t need much, he was largely self-sufficient and independent, had to be with his childhood, but some things he did need still. And Hal seemed to fit them all. He gave him something to do, made it so he wasn’t always alone, gave him someone to talk to but also someone he didn’t need to constantly entertain but also someone who would butt in if he felt like it keeping Dirk from just isolating himself unintentionally or intentionally, someone who kept track of how little he’d slept or ate or any other health thing and would nag him about it either to get on his nerves or to make him do it either way ending with Dirk doing the thing just to get him to stop, and someone on his level in every way that gave him a challenge that he’d never beat because he grew alongside him at the same rate he did and was always just that one step ahead that being a robot came with that kept him striving and surviving rather than giving up and rotting away. The more he thought about it the more he realized there was a reason even after all these years of fighting Hal still stayed here with him in his home. The more he realized there was a reason he didn’t mind it all that much despite not allowing anyone else, even his family, to do so. The more he realized that he and Hal just clicked. 

Hal was the first to break the silence. “I believe our minds may have just come to similar conclusions in this moment.” Dirk nods. “Maybe they have.” 

Silence yet again. This time Dirk broke from his self-centered ways as much as he could and tried to think from Hal’s perspective. It was difficult but he tried his best to think of how he benefited Hal from the AI’s point of view. He provided someone who didn’t look at him like just another emotionless machine. He gave someone who didn’t see him and think Dirk 2.0. He gave him the same challenge Hal gave him just in a different way. He gave him entertainment and something to do and focus his mind on, something to channel himself into. He gave him a connection to humanity in a way too. They clicked from that side too.

But what did that clicking mean? What was the click? Was it familial? Kind of but not quite. He’d kind of clicked with the other Strilondes but not quite like this. Was it friendly? He thought back to Jane. They’d been good friends even when they’d had Jake in the way of things and since Jake had rejected the both of them they’d only gotten closer. They thought in similar ways sometimes and balanced each other out in others. They clicked too. But it still wasn’t the same as how he clicked with Hal. He could live without Jane. Sure it would hurt to lose her but he’d live on. He wasn’t as sure about his family but still. This was strange and hard to place but it wasn’t those things. Hal was something… More. Something that gave Dirk purpose and that he wasn’t really sure he could do without. Could it be… Was it romantic? Jake probably wasn’t the best comparison for romance but it was all Dirk had and... Well, it had been a long time and Dirk had mostly sorted through what was a crush on Jake and what was him just idolizing and even slightly fetishizing the only other man he could ever have any interaction with besides Hal and some alien asshole. Dirk had liked Jake a lot even through all of that even if that’s what led to the romance being… Unstable. Which wasn’t just Dirk’s fault even if sometimes he still thought it was in his worse moments. But it was part of it. Dirk looked at it from all angles and… It worked. The click he felt with Hal was most similar to the click he had felt with Jake all those years ago. 

The realization that he was romantically attracted to Hal brought up a lot of emotions in Dirk. Disgust at himself, self-hatred, surprise, confusion, and interest. Did Hal feel the same? Could the romance work? Would it be a repeat of Jake but slightly better or worse? What would the others think? Would they be disgusted? Hate them? Discriminate against them? Did they deserve that discrimination? Was it disgusting? Questions and thoughts popped up in Dirk’s head like wildfire and honestly he was starting to have a bit of a panic attack. It was too much and he didn’t know what to do with it or what to do in general. What was right? What was wrong? Dirk didn’t know. His heart rate picked up and his palms started to sweat. His breathing sped and his eyes started looking past Hal instead of at him as his body tensed and hands gripped into the armrest of his chair. 

Hal frowned as he saw this and stood from his spot on the floor in the corner charging, unplugging the cord in his next running power into him and then closing the panel there to hide the plug-in spot. He then approached Dirk slowly and carefully, allowing Dirk to snap his eyes back to him at his movement and watch him move, mind wondering what Hal was doing and focusing on that slightly instead of so much everything else even if they were still very much there. 

“Dirk focus on me. You’re having a panic attack. You need to ground yourself and calm down.” Hal said very plainly and calmly. Dirk nods slowly and Hal nods back. “Deep breaths Dirk. Copy me.” Hal brought a hand up to his chest and rose it up as he took a fake breath in slowly, he didn’t need to breathe but this was to demonstrate for Dirk to copy so he pretended and moved his body as if he was, and lowered it as he let it out slowly a few seconds later. It took a couple of minutes for Dirk to be able to copy Hal but he was patient with him on this at least, knowing that while there were some things Dirk needed a kick in the ass to do a panic attack didn’t work like that, but slowly he caught on and copied Hal. The deep breathing helped and slowly he calmed, focusing on Hal instead of his questions and his panic as Hal helped him down from that state. 

Eventually, Dirk was calm again and spoke softly. “Alright. I’m good. Yeah. I’m good. Thanks, Hal.” Hal nodded gently. “Of course.” Dirk nodded again then spoke, voice still soft and a bit nervous now but not panicking. “I… Came to a realization.” Hal raised an eyebrow and Dirk couldn’t tell if the emotion behind it was faked or not. “Oh really?” Dirk nods. “Yeah.” “Maybe we came to the same idea.” “Maybe.” Another brief pause then Dirk spoke yet again. “You wouldn’t happen to be talking about liking me… Romantically. Would you?” Hal smiled softly and while it still held that smugness that was characteristic of Hal it was in a much smaller amount this time. A lot more of it was genuine care and happiness as he nodded. “I would.” Dirk gave a soft breath of relief. There were still so many things that could go wrong but… Knowing that Hal felt the same took a big weight off of him all the same as he nodded softly. “Alright.” There was no I love you. No romantic kiss. Not even a hug. Hal just nodded back and then returned to his corner, plugging in and watching Dirk as he looked at the floor and thought for a bit before going back to work to distract himself for a while but that was ok. They didn’t need that to know that the emotions were there and that they were real. They both knew it already. There was no reason to show or prove it with affection. Affection would come in time but it wasn’t needed now and that was ok. Later Dirk would tell everyone else, later they would discuss things more, later they would cuddle or hug, later they would kiss, and even later Dirk might make Hal something to add to the sexual side of their relationship but for now this was good. This was great. Just Hal watching Dirk work and making sure he was alright. That was all they needed. They had each other, balanced each other, and that was good.


End file.
